"I tell him scary, horror-laden tales. It keeps him
afraid of the liqour store."
"I planned my escape plan to perfection!"
"I wonder if this is the deep end or shallow end?"
"You know, nobody showing up for the meeting
reminds me of a funny story."
"How can you sit here and just ignore the shape
your wife is in these days?"
"I cashed in all my empties to pay for this
vacation."
Nobody knows the troubles I see.
"Guess what?! I think our Michael has finally
surrendered!"
"Leave that man be! He is now under the
protection of Super Sponsor!"
"I'm 30 days sober! I'm 30 days sober! I'm 30
days sober! I'm 30 days sober! I'm 30 days..."
"I'll never relapse. I've placed satellites around the earth
to signal when alcohol is nearing."
"Wake up, Chuck! We've got a new record here! The
rubbie on the left just inhaled half a litre of mouth wash
in twelve seconds flat!"
"Perhaps somewhere out there is a land where they do
not fear an alcoholic."
"Life quite frequently seems to be like one big binge for
humans."
"Okay! Okay! The bottle is under the bathroom sink!"
"See you next weekend, Mr. Jones!"
"I think I just had a spiritual awakening!"
"And we lost Bob, forever it appears."
"Fear not, homeless one. We, the great children of
sobriety, have been chosen by the God's to help you."
"We're not dead...we just smell that way."
"I'm okay...I'm just feeding the birds."
"Excellent! Now go do something illegal so I can sell this
tape to America's Stupidest Police Videos!"
